


Chest Hair

by bloatedblond



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Not Related, Established Relationship, FiKi December Challenge, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-05-04 20:22:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5347358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloatedblond/pseuds/bloatedblond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a little conversation between Fili and Kili on their last day of Spring Break.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chest Hair

The waiter has just left after delivering a fresh round of drinks to them at their little corner of the pool deck and Kili doesn’t think he has ever been more relaxed in public. He and Fili are on their last day of Spring Break. A week at the ocean has left them both tan, stress free, and pleasantly fucked out.

Kili stretches out on his lounge chair, arms resting above his head and legs stretched out with a foot hanging off either side of the chair, and releases a deep sigh.

“You going to sleep over there?”

He turns his head to see Fili watching him with a lazy smile. “No, just relaxing.”

Fili smiles brighter for a moment before turning back towards the pool. Kili loves seeing his lover so relaxed, temporarily free of all worries and stress. They both had been so busy with their final year of college and had gone back and forth about taking Spring Break for themselves but it turned out to be just what they both needed. Now they both felt recharged and ready to tackle their last semester before graduation.

“Have you noticed that none of the men here have any chest hair?” Fili asks quietly so that only Kili can hear.

“I haven’t actually been checking out other men, Fili.” Kili retorts dryly.

Fili snorts. “I haven’t either and you know it. I just couldn’t help but notice, is all.”

Kili looks around the pool deck lazily. Huh, Fili’s right. The other men either have a tiny sprinkle of hair somewhere on their chests or are completely smooth chested.

“Guess we must be freaking them out.” Kili notes with a chuckle as he runs his eyes down Fili’s chest and watches as the curly, golden hair covering it shined in the sun.

“It’s weird though, right?” Fili said. “I mean, so many famous actors have chest hair. How come regular men don’t?”

“No idea.” Kili thinks about it and yep, at least his favorite actors have chest hair in abundance. Of course, it’s possible that he favors them _because_ they have chest hair since he likes it so much. “You’re right though, I mean look at Chris Evans. He has decent chest hair. At least when he doesn’t wax for a role, anyway.”

“Chris Evans?” Fili deadpans with a raised eyebrow. “Really?”

“What?” Kili turns to see Fili smirking at him. “He does.”

“It’s okay, I guess.”

“Okay?” Kili raises his own eyebrow in response.

“Yeah. Okay.”

“All right then. Who are you thinking of?” Kili asks. “Gerard Butler? I know he’s a favorite of yours.”

“No, not enough.” Fili replies smugly. “Though he does have a great accent so it kind of makes up for the lack of chest hair.”

Kili can’t help but laugh cause, yeah, Gerard Butler’s accent is pretty awesome. Then, a slightly devious thought enters his mind.

“Oh, wait, I know!” He announces with glee. “Austin Powers.”

“He’s not even a real person!” Fili exclaims after he finishes not choking on his drink.

Kili laughs. “Who ever said it had to be a real person?”

“Okay then.” Fili concedes with enough amused grace to make Kili slightly nervous. “I could French braid that shit at least, so there is endless hours of entertainment possible.”

“Yeah, you could brush it for one hundred strokes each night before bed too.” Kili adds with a laugh. “And use a lint roller each morning before leaving the apartment.”

“ _God_ , can you imagine how fast the lint trap of the dryer would fill up?”

“Gross, Fili! You know I hate that thing!” Kili shudders just thinking about it. “I never empty that shit!”

“I know.” Fili admits with a smirk. “You’re going to burn the apartment building down one day too.”

“Haven’t yet.” Kili mumbles while wrinkling his nose. There are so many other things he would rather do in life than deal with the nasty lint trap of dryers.

The waiter comes by with another round for them and they both sit back for a moment enjoying the warmth of the sun. After a while, the quiet gets to be too much for Kili and he starts to speak but Fili beats him to it.

“You know I love you just the way you are, right? Heavy pelt and all.” Fili murmurs to him as his blue eyes roam over his chest for the countless time today with a dopey smile on his face.

“Hmmm, that’s good, cause I’m not waxing for you.”

“That’s fine. If I wanted a smooth chest, I’d just date Captain America.”

Kili snorts. “Yeah right, I hear he prefers brunets with metal arms.”

Fili just gives him a mock glare in response before returning to his drink and people watching.

“You know we’re the last men on the planet to be criticizing other men’s chest hair, right?”

“Well,” Fili shrugs, “you have to have a good pelt to judge a good pelt.”

Kili stares incredulously for a moment. “Oh my god, you did not just say that.”

“Oh, I sure did.” Fili replies with a smug shrug and a glint in his eye. They both stare at each other for a full thirty seconds before bursting into loud cackles that cause the other people on the pool deck to look their way.

“Okay then,” Kili starts after catching his breath, “What about Aidan Turner?”

“Perfect amount of chest hair!” Fili replies quickly. “ _And_ , he can grow a fantastic beard.”

“WE ARE NOT BRINGING BEARDS INTO THIS FILI!”

“Okay, okay, calm down. I didn’t mean anything, baby.” Fili quickly assures him. “You’re much better looking than he is anyway, Kili. I mean, those curls seem like they would be a serious pain in the ass to deal with.”

Kili gives an unimpressed look. “Now you’re just trying to suck up.”

Fili suddenly gets a very dirty glint in his blue eyes. “You know I don’t suck up, Kili. I suck off.”

The silence between them is deafening before Kili exclaims, “Good Lord and sweet baby Jesus!” throwing both hands and eyebrows straight up in exasperation. “How many of those damn fruity, girly drinks have you had today?”

“Hey!” Fili may actually giggle. “They taste really good and they come with these cool little umbrellas.” Fili replies as he twirls one of said umbrellas at his boyfriend.

“Mmhmm.” Kili drawls, clearly unimpressed with Fili’s umbrella twirling skills before declaring, “Next.”

“All right, my turn.” Fili declares after sticking the little umbrella behind his ear. “Dean O’Gorman.”

“He’s a little on the short side, isn’t he?” Kili can’t help but ask just to get a rise out of his clearly slightly inebriated partner.

“Hey! If were not bringing beards into this then were not bringing height into it either!” Fili huffs in annoyance.

“Don’t worry, baby.” Kili reaches out and pulls Fili’s chair closer to his own so that they are side by side. “You know I think you’re the perfect size.”

Fili huffs as Kili nuzzles into his neck. He gives a soft bite causing Fili to yelp and pull away slightly so that he can glare into Kili’s big brown eyes.

“Yeah, well, you wouldn’t be taller than me if it weren’t for your obnoxiously long legs.” Fili mutters as he wraps his arms around Kili’s waist and pulls the brunet onto his chair and practically on top of him.

“You like my legs. Don’t lie.”

“No, I love your legs.” Fili half growls as he wraps his fingers into Kili’s long dark locks and pulls his face close enough so that their lips brush as he speaks, “Especially when they are wrapped around my waist,” Fili quickly and gracefully (despite being on lounge chairs) flips them over so that Kili is underneath him, “or thrown over my shoulders.”

Kili can only hold on and giggle as Fili slides between his legs so that he can happily wrap them around Fili. Neither one of them notice anything but the other until the waiter bringing them another round suggests (rather firmly) that they go back to their room where they can have privacy.

No drinks or drink umbrellas are spilled in their mad dash to their hotel room.


End file.
